Let’s Talk About Moving
Death, divorce and moving are said to be the three most stressful experiences in life…We all know that military life sure involves its fair share of moving. How you and your family plan for the big day, the move itself and settling into your new environment has a lot to do with how successful the experience will be… And learn to expect the unexpected along the way!

How to Tell Your Child You’re Moving
Most children have some – or a lot- of natural explorer in them. Appeal to that explorer side when telling kids that the family is moving and you’ll help them view the move as an experience that can lead to exciting discoveries.

• Tell them as soon as possible
• Be positive about the move
• Welcome their questions
• Let them know how they can help

Visit Century 21 Smooth Moves for more detailed information.

What to Expect From Younger Children
Moving emotions
excitement
curiosity
anxiety
sadness
disappointment

Moving affects children’s behaviour and emotions. A move represents change, which creates issues for every age. Younger children need more routine, so throughout the move period, aim to keep mealtimes and bedtimes normal. Even as familiar surroundings morph into a mountain of boxes, if breakfast can still start with cereal in a favourite bowl and bedtime is still a ritual of tooth brushing and story reading, your kids will cope better than you might expect. Younger kids in the family are likely to be the most eager members of the move team. You’ll see more positive emotions and behaviour associated with moving. They also will welcome the chance to assist in the planning, list making and packing. Let them help by assigning tasks you know they can handle. Moving will trigger anxiety too, so keep these points in mind:

Before the move
Preschoolers are egocentric. When you show stress at the inevitable snafus with a move, they may think it is something they did. Be mindful of your reactions around them and give them extra reassurance. Even in their excitement, school-age children will feel sadness at leaving familiar friends, schools and activities. Help them with concrete ways to make the here-to-here transition. For example, scout out activities in the new community they can get involved in. Use an address book to gather friends’, teachers’, and neighbours’ e-mail addresses and/or phone numbers for staying in touch after the move. The unknown increases anxiety. Sharing children’s pictures books about moving is a great way to prepare kids for what’s ahead and voice the range of feelings they may have.

During the move
Saying good-bye to favourite places, people – even to the home itself – is important for this age. Preschoolers may need help in understanding that their same friends and neighbours will not be in the new place. The actual packing up process may be emotionally tiring for preschoolers, as they see furniture and favourite objects disappear into boxes. Aim to pack preschoolers’ belongings as late in the move schedule as possible. Reassure them that their belongings are going to the new house. Moving is tough on pets. For a child who is attached to the family cat, dog or bird, the pet’s discomfort can heighten the child’s anxiety.

After the move
Be prepared to re-teach household rules to toddlers in the new home, like not touching what is hot. More than ever, monitor your child’s mood. Kids can have trouble sleeping in an unfamiliar room after a move. They can be teary or cranky. When children have seemed excited about a move, the change in attitude can be alarming. But it’s not unusual. Give them time and be sensitive to their feelings. It won’t be long and they’ll make exciting surprises and new friends that will have them smiling again! Prolonged upset shouldn’t be ignored. Unusual problems with schoolwork or peers, or changes in sleeping or eating patterns that don’t get better are signs that your child may need extra support in adjusting to the move.

What to expect from pre-teens and teens
Moving emotions
excitement
curiosity
anxiety
sadness
anger

Moving tends to be toughest for pre-teens and teens. Keep in mind, though, that your teenager is not trying to make your life miserable. There are real development issues at work. At this age, your child is learning to form more long-term relationships, including romantic ones. The decision to move is “undoing” the hard work your child has put in (unconscious as it may be). And at a stage when your child is inching outside the bounds of family and trying to form a personal identity, the move is a powerful reminder that your pre-teen and teen is not yet the master of his or her own fate. The older the child, the more these feelings and frustrations are at play. Throughout the move, give your older kids space and time. Be patient and try not to lecture of be defensive.

Before the move
Your older children can be a tremendous help to you with move planning, gathering information and helping younger siblings by easing their anxieties. Give them responsible tasks and show your appreciation as they pitch in. You’ll encourage them to do more! You may have a child who will try to talk you out of the move and want to stay behind to live with his relative or friend. Experts recommend that if your child is a senior high school and especially if you are moving in mid-year, you may want to seriously investigate those alternatives. Otherwise, you’ll need to state and restate that the family moves together. The unknown increases anxiety. Together, find out as much as you can about the new school, new community, job possibilities if your child has one now, social activities or groups your child might join. Worries about losing good friends can be stressful. Depending on how far away you are moving, talk about how your older kids can stay in touch with best buds, such as weekends together or summer visits. Kids this age need to know they are heard and understood. If you and your child have trouble communicating, your child may need a chance to open up with a trusted adult, such as a relative, coach or neighbour. Help make this happen because you can learn and benefit from it too.

During the move
Saying good-bye to friends will be very important when it’s time to make the move. Your child might want to host a party for friends or plan a series of overnights with pals. Yes, there is plenty to be done that you need your pre-teen’s or teen’s help with, but be understanding of these needs too.

After the move
Fitting in will be a concern for your child, particularly if your move involves cultural changes too. You can help in one area – dress- by letting your child buy clothes like schoolmates are wearing. For others, if your child starts adopting new slang or sporting a new hairstyle, unless it’s out and out offensive, see it as part of the process of adjusting. It may take longer for an older child to settle in than for other family members. Give your child space and time. Do pay attention to any prolonged troubling behaviours that may signal your child is having beyond the typical adjustment issues. But more than likely, your highly social teen will soon have a new group of “best friends for life !”