Abuse is the intimidation or manipulation of another person with the purpose to have control over that person. It is usually a long term pattern of behaviour, although certain short term behaviours can also be abusive. While we often think of violence and abuse as physical, that is scratches, bruises, kicks, cuts, it can also be emotional, verbal, sexual and financial and unfortunately the nature of these types of abuse can often be more damaging to a person than physical abuse. And because others cannot “see” the abuse, they may not believe or understand you and you may be left wondering “Why does she treat me like this?” or “Why me and no one else”?

While women are often faced with difficulties in reporting abusive behaviours to appropriate authorities, there are specific barriers to men that may prevent them from speaking out and getting help. Some of these may be:

Fear of making the problem worse or having the abuser sent to jail

Embarrassment What will friends and family think if they knew they “let” someone do this?

Gender Beliefs With the idea of “man-ing up” will friends and family or even the authorities believe them?

Lack of Resources There are few resources, shelters, organizations out there for male victims of abuse and it can be difficult to get help

Recognizing abuse in relationships is often the first step to getting help.

Are you experiencing the following:

• Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
• Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
• Does your partner ridicule or insult your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, culture, or class?
• Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself? Or ignore your feelings?
• Does your partner try to isolate you from friends, family or groups?
• Does your partner limit your access to work or material resources? 
• Has your partner ever stolen from you?  Or run up debts for you to handle? 
• Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance (clammed up) and being very close? 
• Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
• Does your partner try to control the things you wear or your style of hair?
• Does your partner constantly check up on you?
• Does your partner accuse you of cheating? Or say they will hurt themselves if you break up?
• Has your partner ever thrown away or destroyed things that belonged to you?
• Are you afraid of your partner? Has your partner bite, slapped, punched, kicked or hit you?

If you are experiencing any of the above, you may be experiencing abuse in your relationship.

If you are need of assistance, please contact the following resources:

Base Mental Health ext 3651

Military Family Resource Centre 955-8891

Sexual Assault Centre for Quinte and District

Sexual Assault Centre Kingston

24 Hour Crisis And Support Line 1-877-544-6424

Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre

Quinte Health Care Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Program (DVSARP)

For more information, visit :

The Men's Project

Heart to Heart

KaliMunro