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Tip sheets

Tips for Expressing Anger Within a Relationship

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We all feel angry at different points, and it is okay to feel this way. Anger describes a range of emotions from impatience to irritation to frustration and even rage. While we may feel angry, using violence and/or abusive language are never acceptable ways of expressing or coping with anger.

What can you do?

  1. Take time. Breathe. Count. 
  2. Take physical space from your partner. Go in another room or for a walk. 
  3. Use this time to talk yourself down from hostile thoughts, feelings and urges. 
  4. Don’t blame others for the fact that you are feeling angry. Take full responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and urges. 
  5. Reflect on your feelings. Hurt, shame, fear, loneliness and vulnerability often hide beneath anger. 
  6. Consider the consequences, to you and your partner, for your choice of words and actions. Think about the possible unintended consequences too. 
  7. Calmly talk with your partner. Be specific and talk about the ‘real’ problem. 
  8. Avoid the tug of war – your way/their way. Instead give them space to process what you have said and to explain what they are feeling. 
  9. Be fair and thoughtful with your words. 
  10. Take care of yourself. Recognize that you may need time to process these feelings. 
Content inspired by Elaine S. Stoll, BA RTC

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